If Looks Could Kill
My entire school would be dead right now

Warning: This post is just me complaining and being pissed off. Sorry. I can't even come close to fully explaining why I'm so angry and what is going on, but here is my small attempt.

I had a horrible day today. I seriously almost had a mental breakdown. I think I kind of freaked out my co-teacher. I was SOOO incredibly frustrated that I couldn't keep it bottled up any more. Amongst many other things (summer camp, summer vacation issues, random other things), I was told last week that today some students from the University of Missouri would be visiting our school (I guess they're visiting Korea b/c they're in an agriculture program and are studying rice paddies or something?). They apparently wanted to talk to the 6th graders. I teach 6th graders on Monday. Anyway, this morning I ask my co-teacher,
"So, are the people from the U of Missouri coming today?"
"Yes."
"When?"
"During 4th hour."
So I am assuming that I won't be teaching my 4th hour class b/c they'll be talking with the visitors. Anyway, in the middle of our 3rd hour class our vice principal calls and wants my co-teacher to come down to the office. So she leaves, leaving me in charge of the class. Which is never a good idea because 1) they don't understand 95% of what I say, and 2) Because of this and the fact that I don't physically punish them, they don't listen to me at all so it's always chaos. Added to this, they were supposed to play this game for the last 15 minutes. Now, this game is way too complicated to explain to the kids when my co-teacher explains it in Korean (they still don't get it). So here I am having to explain it all in English. Blank stares. Shit. So I have to randomly figure out what to do until the class ends since I can't get them to play the game. Class ends.

Ok, so now it's 4th hour and I'm thinking that we'll go to talk to the Missouri people. Still no co-teacher. I have no idea where to go. Some students start coming in and ask if there's class here or somewhere else. I tell them I have no idea. They leave, but come back 5 minutes later because they don't know where to go. Ok, so I guess I DO have to teach 4th hour and apparently I'm doing it alone since I have no idea where my co-teacher is. I have no idea if the Missouri people are here, if the class I'm teaching should be wherever they (Missouri people) are, etc. So I teach the class, again having to just sit and talk with the kids for 20 minutes because of the game impediment. Thankfully, this class wasn't too bad and actually listened to me for the most part and wasn't too chaotic. I think they could tell I was in a very bad mood. Early on in the class when they were being loud, I yelled at them super loud, "SHUT YOUR MOUTHS! BE QUIET! NO TALKING!" I thought I'd cover all my bases there. The 'shut your mouths' one surprised them because it sounds like 'shut up' and many of them know that's not very nice.

So anyway, finally that class ended and I'm supposed to go to lunch but still no co-teacher. I still don't know what's happening. I am seething with frustration and anger at this point. I finally go down to lunch on my own. Lunch was HORRID today (like it's ever good). Seafood soup, fish, 2 nasty fermented veggie sides, and rice that was really gross and mushy today. So I literally ate only rice and my thing of milk. My teacher came late and sat somewhere else. I went back up to my classroom.

My co-teacher comes in a little later and says to me,
"How was no class?" Wtf?
"Uhh...I HAD class. I taught last hour. Did the people from the university come or what?" "Yes."
"Oh...well, who did they talk with?"
"The 6th graders."
"Um, I taught the 6-4 class last hour. I didn't play the game though because they don't understand me." I'm seriously looking pissed off at this point. She says,
"Oh, I forgot to call the 6-4 teacher to cancel the class. Sorry."

It was all I could do not to burst out screaming or rip my hair out. Why did no one let me know that they had arrived? Didn't they think that maybe I would like to speak with them or them to me? Plus, making me teach those classes alone which is just ridiculous at this age level. They have nowhere near the English level to make anything worthwhile. I HATE not knowing what is going on and I NEVER know what is going on here. This was just one shining example of that and it just cracked me. I could probably have killed someone with facial expression today. Then she starts asking me about summer camp and I did explode. It's in over a month and a half and they need a plan now...They say to me, "Oh, we need a plan for the camp and what materials you'll need." I ask, "When?" They respond, "Today or tomorrow." WTF??? Yeah, I'm gonna just whip up 2 weeks worth of lesson plans today. Ok. If you want them to be pieces of crap. And the thing is, no one cares about the plan. They can be pieces of crap. They can be (and are expected to be) changed by the time the camp comes. But if this is so, why make me do it this early? I don't want to waste my time making a quick crappy plan that I'm not going to do just because they need some paper work. I just said to my co-teacher, "I don't know. I don't care." And probably other stuff and then proceeded to make exasperated noises while ripping my hands through my hair. At this point, my co-t just said to me, "Don't worry about it. Do you want to go home?" At first I thought she meant back to my apartment and I was like, "No, no, no, it's fine." But later I realized that I think she meant back home to the US. YES. I DO. She also asked me later, "Do you regret?" I'm like, "Regret what? I'm just REALLY frustrated." Then she left me alone for a while and made me sit down for our whole 5th hour class.

I had to teach a teacher class that afternoon and I was still pissed. I couldn't get myself to fake being happy if my life depended on it. I think I kind of freaked all those teachers out as well. Then I had to go to a staff meeting (all in Korean...why they make me go to these things I have no idea). It finished at 4:30 so I could go right home. But my co-teacher says to me as we're leaving the room, "The 6th grade teachers are eating [insert not-so-good Korean food here] upstairs now. Let's go up." I couldn't hold back my "I would rather die than do that right now" facial expression. She says, "You no want to?"
"No. I'm going home." Then I left.

I am surprised I didn't kill someone today. Now I need to harrass them about my summer vacation time since I want to take it at a different time than they want to have me take it. They want me to teach a week long camp at some random elementary school in Pyeongtaek that doesn't have a native English teacher (in addition to 2 weeks of camp at my school). I'd rather shoot myself in the head than do that, so I am going to complain my head off about it and hope I get out of it. I am so beyond not caring if I'm difficult or whiney or demanding right now. I let them screw me around for 9.5 months, I'm going to try and put an end to it the 2.5 months I have left. I am so apathetic about everything right now. I seriously don't care at all about teaching the students. I show up at school every day and my goal each day is not to go insane. Ugh. I am beyond fed up with "teaching" here.

I want to go home.